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tributes

(Final): As it is, so let it be

by wilkista April 22, 2021

written by wilkista

Anything with a beginning must have an end. In all times, therefore, we must be prepared for any eventuality. The earlier we accept this, the easier it becomes to deal with what comes our way. In this final piece, I wish to share snippets of one of the most powerful lyrics and song that has kept me going.

You can watch the original music video on YouTube here

Whether now or then
Death is not my end
I know Heaven waits for me

Though the road seems long
I’ll never walk alone
And I got all I need to sing

I know You love me
I know You found me
I know You saved me
And Your grace will never fail me

And while I’m waiting
I’m not waiting
I know Heaven lives in me

Should I suffer long
This is not my home
I know Heaven waits for me

And though the night is dark
Heaven owns my heart
And I got all I need to sing

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

So I will sing like I will there
In the fearless light of glory
Where the darkness cannot find me
And Your face is all I see

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Oh I will sing like a man
With no sickness in my body
Like no prison walls can hold me
I will sing like I am free

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I’ll sing Holy, Holy
My heart, cries Holy
As it is, in Heaven
It is in me

;;;;;;;;;;;;

We’ll sing Holy, Holy
The earth, cries Holy
As it is, in Heaven
So let it be

(For full lyrics, visit the link below)

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Source: musixmatch.com

As It Is (In Heaven) lyrics © Hillsong Music Publishing Australia

To allude to the opening post in this series, we must individually find our unique way of dealing with losses – whether material or otherwise. And we have to let go of our deepest fears and worries. For life is too short to spend every minute worrying about things we have no control over. Our greatest assurance is that regardless, God is always in control. When we let Him steer us, His grace remains sufficient.

And that brings me to the end of this tribute series. This was in honor of the departed souls; the memories shared with them; the family and friendship bonds created; and the life lessons learnt through them. We are forever indebted.

April 22, 2021 1 comment

(Part 5): Your story is better told by you, keep writing and recording it

by wilkista April 21, 2021

written by wilkista

If you ask me, one of the most difficult things to do is putting together a befitting ‘biography’ for a loved one in his/her absence. It is even harder when information is scattered. It is also hard when there are thousands of memories that you wish to share but cannot easily trace the photos, although you know for sure that they exist somewhere. You cannot find them because of time constraint, and you do not know the right place to look. The same applies to documents for which the owner is best placed to retrieve them. In their absence, you do a wild ransack in the hopes that the next folder you touch would be it. You thus spend several days digging until it is all eventually found. Such searches are not for the faint hearted, the art of patience comes handy.

Over the years, I have often found myself running away from the camera. I cannot describe myself as photophobic, which is another level of dislike or fear. But I am obviously not photogenic either, you can ask my high school and prior peers how difficult it was to get me participating on photo shoots. Looking back that is perhaps one of my life regrets; the fact that except for the mandatory photos, I have nothing else to look back to and appreciate those bits of my childhood-to-teenage past. In more recent years, my attitude towards photoshoots has improved. But still not my typical cup of tea. Hence, one of the struggles I deal with, especially with my younger sister, are family group photo sessions. She is the type who can take photos daily with enthusiasm. In contrast, I show up for or ‘photo bomb’ shots when necessary. Usually, I am more open to shots captured during events where cameras are all around us and we must do the needful – look at the camera and smile!

I have improved at photoshoots and generally the habit of recording memories. It starts by the realization that photo taking is not a reserve of ‘photomaniacs’ and socialites – we all ought to record our stories. If for nothing else, for purposes of looking back into history in appreciation of the present. This is also to those of us who feel that ‘photoneering’ is a confine of women. Who said men should not take photos of themselves? Are memories selective? When younger, I wondered why my grandparents and parents kept photo albums. In the modern times, I have had the privilege of visiting ‘westernized homes’ both locally and abroad – one thing stands, there is usually a stack of family albums at your eyes’ disposal. I never fully understood why people went through the hassle of taking a zillion photos only to display them on albums. Isn’t the whole point of technology advancement about going digital and printing less? In a more recent experience, I have learnt that both can come in handy. I am also grateful for the fact that we can easily record video notes which allow us to keep motion memories. The satisfaction that comes with it, especially when the very last days or hours spent with a loved one are available at the touch of a play button, is simply magical. You cannot trade it for anything else.

Never shy off from printing and keeping your memories in hardcopy albums if you must. Similarly, and my preference (blame it on the wave of sustainability and going green), capture your memories digitally. With digital records, it can equally be daunting tracing them if you did not store them properly. I learnt the hard way to always store precious memories on the cloud where one can easily access them even when on the move. Not to forget a back-up elsewhere because man, and by extension the work of the hands, is to error.

What is the point in taking memories if you are not going to share them with those who should be part of it? This is not be confused as to say flaunting your photos and videos on social media. Some people prefer to keep their memories private, which should be respected. However, and useful to consider is sharing of the files’ access links with those who take value in being part of the story – your loved ones. This way the story lives on.

One of the best gifts you can give to your loved ones is memories, keep writing and recording them. It allows them to connect with you always, and laugh or cry over the old times. For example, the ‘silly amateur postal letters’ your children wrote to you when they were innocent and too young to understand that life is not a bed of roses. More importantly, memories tell your story better than anyone else could ever do it. Because nobody but you is better placed to tell your own story.

This piece is in honor of the personal life stories captured through memories. Keep writing, recording and safely storing them. For, in your presence or absence, your story is better told by you.

April 21, 2021 2 comments

friendships positivity tributes

(Part 4): Choose your friends wisely

by wilkista April 20, 2021

written by wilkista

Image courtesy: Nation Africa

The date is September 30th 2014. The article title reads ‘mum, you definitely chose your friends well’. In case you are wondering, it was a feature about my parents and I. One of those rare times you allow yourself to go public in a major newspaper feature. It was worth it. Because it gave friendship a new meaning and purpose then as it does now – one that sets the tone for my post today. Like a two-faced coin, friendship manifests in two types – positive and negative. Its yours to choose which type to sail along with.

I have always been grateful for the fact that I am surrounded by a group of few but supportive friends. Or so I believed until recently where my instinct was proved right, I can confidently say that I and by extension my family have indeed chosen our friends well. Although I must admit that over the years, I have noticed that the number of friends I consider dependable or close for that matter has been on a downward trajectory. Out of worry, I once asked one of my life mentors, a slightly older woman, whether she had a similar experience – one where you suddenly have fewer and fewer friends as the clock ticks. The answer was yes which was a relief, the boat is shared. However, and more important is that as your circle of close friends gets smaller, the bonds become stronger and the relationships more constructive. These are the people who graduate into family friends in later years.

This is for friends who evolve over the years into close family friends. They give you relentless support in both the good and the bad times. They reach out to check on you – in all honesty because they truly care – in case you are wondering what true friends are like. In my recent experience, they are the type of people who will dash out in the middle of work or pressing errands to be there for you when it is most needed. They take it upon themselves to run appeals on your behalf and rally their friends (who are unknown to you) to your rescue at the eleventh hour. They are the reason you can sleep peacefully because of the assurance that somebody is sorting out the business you cannot take care of. This should not be confused with casting all your burdens at others in the name of friendship. Nor them taking a bullet for you when you could have avoided the shoot out in the first place.

And then there is the kind of friends who may be thousands of miles away, but the emotional support they accord you is on another level – these guys are the bomb! We should be grateful for digitalization and the things it has made possible. For sometimes all you want is a listening ear as you rant and rave about what is or could have been. Then comes your savior – the perfect ears to do exactly that, listen. I think the art of listening is by itself a gift, not all of us can do it. Some of us have tried and failed miserably. I wonder how psychologists manage to sustain hours of talking without saying a word. Or don’t they? The struggle is real. Or is it better said that the tongue can be such a venom?

I am particularly in awe of family friends who exceed our expectations. They go the extra mile to avail their ‘children’ too to stand by you. I know this may sound strange or complicated perhaps. In case you are wondering what that means – it is instilling values in your children which allow them to naturally connect with and tirelessly support your friends because they see the shared value in the kind of friendship you have invested in over the years. They grow up with a sibling attachment to your friends’ children. These people will break ceilings for you regardless. They sweat on your behalf, to allow you take a breather off the insurmountable pressure that the universe unceremoniously exerts at you.

Friends, like family exist in various types. Take your time to invest in the right friendship, because it is a lifetime investment that must be calculated and done properly. It brings with it a fair share of risks and threats for which you must draw the mitigation measures. Never forget to appreciate and be grateful for those you count on as true friends. For you would rather have one dependable and constructive friend than a contrary multitude.

This piece is in honor of reliable friends who dedicate their time, skills or assets to stand by you at all times. They also reproach your wrongs, celebrate your wins, and encourage you to see beyond your losses. Choose them wisely.

April 20, 2021 2 comments

family friendships positivity tributes

(Part 3): Here’s to family who always show up!

by wilkista April 19, 2021

written by wilkista

This was a rather ‘hard’ piece to write. Not because I am short of words nor ideas. But because I am truly and immensely touched by the support, commitment and personal energy put by certain family members; it is extraordinary! No amount of money nor gold could ever be enough to thank them. If coins of different materials and faces were to be raffled – you can only wish that the shiny golden coin will be their lucky pick.

Many are the times that we are told to treasure family, because they will be there for you through the thick and the thin. Over the years, however, I have come to learn that: families, both nuclear and extended, exist in different moods, level of energy, character, friendship and support towards us. I will highlight a few types, there are probably more out there. We learn each new day.

There is the family members type one who will be there for you no matter what – they do not only make effort to be physically and emotionally there for you; they always show up! Regardless of the tides and seasons, they are simply there providing the perfect shoulder of solace. There energy and level of support is on another level. When paired to work with them, you ask yourself if you could ever fit into such shoes – these guys are simply ablaze. I prefer to call them ‘presentmaniacs’ but feels this is a bit of an understatement because the word energy needs to feature somewhere within that title. There are no reminders needed that you must appreciate them. Count them in as you count your blessings one by one.

There is another family type who are there for you – in both the good and the bad times as well. Unfortunately, they may not be able to physically show up due to constraints within or beyond their control. However, the aura and depth of virtual presence they accord resonates so deep that they would almost qualify as the present maniacs – they show up differently. I will call them the ‘virtualmaniacs’. These are the type that will suddenly have you sorted out at a time when times are tough all around you and all hope seems gone. There words of encouragement run deeper than water in the seas. For they are blessed with a positive tongue and will use it for your good. Again, no reminder needed to do the least expected – appreciate them.

This is for the family members who show support behind the scenes but in a different kind of way. They are the quiet people who prefer not to be seen or heard but still stand with you. As some would say, they prefer their privacy. They are like angels who stay guard watching over you and say a prayer with you. You may never get to realize that they have been there with and for you all the while. But they are! You are in their thoughts always. Do not forget to be grateful for them. For your act of gratitude means more than you can ever imagine.

Then there is the laissez–faire type who are basically the hands-off people. They leave you alone and let you be which is not a bad thing at times. Because we sometimes find ourselves in situations where all we want is me, myself and I to deal with it. On the downside, these are dangerous people to have and consider as family simply because of blood relations. They might spare a minute or so to listen to what you have to say but move on thereafter with their lives as though you said nothing, and nothing happened. There are times where this nature of reaction is borne out of past experiences which may be understandable. Don’t spend too much energy trying to stress over it, for history cannot be changed – it remains a constant like change itself. When it comes to gratitude, we must always remain grateful. So yes – whether sore or sour, be grateful for this type of relations.

Life allows us to experience varieties including family variances. Family is important and comes handy at your darkest moments. As it is said, blood is thicker than water. But I wish to throw a spanner in the works and dare say, ‘water can metaphorically be thicker than blood’. This is me being crazy, right? Find out why the spanner may be useful on my next post.

This piece is in honor of family, extended and nuclear, who dedicate their time, energy or resources to be there for you always. Because family means more than the genetic ties. For actions speak louder than words. And family should be there for each other.

April 19, 2021 1 comment

friendships positivity tributes

(Part 2): You do not choose where you are born, but you can shape the future

by wilkista April 16, 2021

written by wilkista

Some people are born with a silver spoon while others toil for the rest of their lives to no avail. Life presents a two-faced coin, if you toss it the outcome can go either way – you cannot entirely predict it but might be lucky to get a positive outcome on each consecutive toss. Similarly, you do not choose where you are born, but the future is yours to shape – promising or disheartening.

I am grateful that life gave me the opportunity to experience a different kind of parenting. If you have read some of my blogs over the years, you may understand what I am talking about. For those of who don’t fancy digging through archives, let me quickly share it. I lost both of my biological parents at a tender age. As fate would have it, I would later be taken in by mom’s friend and grow up in this ‘adopted’ family. As siblings we identify as of the same womb where I take the last-born spot. This is therefore my second (or third depending on how you count) experience of the pain and anguish that is the loss of a parent. Unlike childhood where I was too young to comprehend the series of events, I now understand and absolutely feels the anguish – it equates to an achilles heel. If you ask me, the most difficult loss occurs when you are older because you have a clear grasp of memories shared in the past.

When I arrived at my new family and home several years ago, I was a petite child, timid and below average performer at school. I never saw a reason for why people should go to school, many children at that age probably don’t either. It felt like school was a routine that every child had to conform to. I remember my father encouraging me to never shy from standing on a stool whenever I needed to use the kitchen sink and felt too short to reach it. At the time, my favorite house chore was cleaning the dishes, as such I was a regular user of the kitchen sink. I was also allocated the tallest seat at the dining table so I could comfortably pertake meals but also enjoy good visual angle as we indulged in various conversations as a family. These were acts of equity and an invaluable lesson at an early age that we should not let physical barriers hinder us from shooting at what we are aiming for; circumnavigate the challenge and you will accomplish the mission.

I was not exactly a ‘brilliant’ child. I say ‘brilliance’ because of my believe that all humans are born with a unique intelligence which might not illuminate automatically – at the appropriate time, environment or place, it glitters. For some people, the brilliance is in academic stardom while some are gifted to shine at other things, away from academic halls. Looking back, I am grateful that my guardian parents saw the hidden potential in me. It presented as brilliance within the academic realm which was nurtured through daily motivation from my parents. They made me believe in the fact that I could turn around my school grades, if only I shed off a bit of my sleepy head and channeled the time and energy towards studies. To date, sleep remains one my lead ‘hobbies’, but only when time and chance allow.

Over the years, my father invested his time to support my siblings and I through personal projects and other life goals. This unwavering support started by way of tutoring or guidance during school homework. Had Kenya’s current Competence Based Curriculum been introduced back in the days, I think father would have been one of the ‘few parents who enjoy working with their children through the bandwagon of hands-on assignments that is CBC system.’ As siblings, most of us have carried along this virtue to date – whether tired or tired, you must always dedicate time to personally monitor and support your child or mentee’s growth, education and talent development. We must strive to generously give of our time with love and joy without expecting any reward in return.

The best complementary gift one can give towards their child’s education is a sense of dignity and the skills required to shape a better future for themself and their future generations. In my case that gift was grounded on transformative parenting which supersedes the biological constructs. Because we do not choose where we are born, but we can shape the future.

This piece is in honor of parents and guardians, present and departed, who do not tire from shaping a future generation filled with hope and ethical ordinance.

April 16, 2021 1 comment